He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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