I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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