Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
