VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize