Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Oh god it's open bar.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
