Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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