susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
