pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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