remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It's just like the Real World with babies
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I think i got beer on your cat.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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