I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
