I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
