Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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