I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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