it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
