he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize