So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
