how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
