Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
