My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You are a booty call, not a friend.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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