yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
