I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
