It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
