I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
