my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
