alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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