I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
