Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
