Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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