im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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