If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
