Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
