Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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