Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
