I'm so fucking centered right now
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
