Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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