i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize