He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
