Where did you get a picture of my penis
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Randomize
