the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize