Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
