I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
