nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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