if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
