oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
