Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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