What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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