i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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