it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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