pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
