it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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