he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If I die, sorry about rent.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
