feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
