so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
