Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
