First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He better not be in your backpack
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
