You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
