I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
