Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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