if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
