I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
