My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
