Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Everything about him screamed your future.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize