carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
