Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
