I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
