My first STD was from a foam party
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
