Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
