I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
There r osticjed everywhere
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
