nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
