I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
