her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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