Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
me + whiskey = a bad person
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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